Best Obits

A collection of well written obits

Mission Accomplished!

EVES, Bill - 1937-2014 On Saturday February the 8th Molson’s stock price fell sharply on the news of Bill Eves’ passing. Senior executives at Molson called an emergency meeting to brace for the impact of the anticipated drop in sales. As a highly regarded principal for 33 years with the separate school board he created many fond memories for staff, students and families. After his retirement he pursued some of his many hobbies including cooking, carpentry, gardening and sending daily joke emails to family and friends. Perhaps most important to Bill was educating people on the dangers of holding in your farts. Sadly, he was unable to attain his life-long goal of catching his beloved wife Judy “cutting the cheese” or “playing the bum trumpet” — which he likened to a mythical rarity like spotting Bigfoot or a unicorn. He also mastered the art of swearing while being splattered by grease cooking his famous wings. In fact, he wove tapestry of obscenities that still hangs over the Greater Kingston Area. Before passing Bill forged a 76 year trail of laughter, generosity, compassion, and wisdom. He will be greatly missed by his wife of 50 years Judy, his children Rob (Helen), Tim (Mary-Jo), Angela (Brent), Andrew (Stacey), and his grandchildren Noah, Macy, Teagan, Ella, Claire, Lucy and Will. While his whole family is deeply saddened by Bill’s passing, there is a rumour floating around that he told some the nurses at St. Mary’s of the Lake that this was all just an elaborate plan to get out of shoveling the driveway. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! 

Good riddance to you…

Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick born Jan. 4, 1935 and died alone on Aug 30, 2013.  She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible.  Everyone she met, adult or child, was tortured by her cruelty and exposure to violence, criminal activity, vulgarity and hatred of the gentle or kind human spirit.  We celebrate her passing from this earth and hope she lives in the afterlife reliving each gesture of violence, cruelty and shame that she delivered on her children.  Her surviving children will now live the rest of their lives with the peace knowing their nightmare finally has some form of closure.

Obit Advice

According to AARP identity thieves steal the identifies of nearly 2.5 million deceased Americans.  

In obituaries, list the age but don’t include birth date, mother’s maiden name or other personel identifiers that could be useful to ID thieves.  Omitting the person’s address also reduces the likelihood of a home burglary during the funeral (sadly, this does happen so arrange for someone to stay at family member’s home during funeral services).

Using certified mail with return receipt, send copies of death certificate to each credit reporting bureau (Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion) asking them to place a deceased alert” on the credit report.   Mail death certificate to banks, insurers, brokerages, and credit card and mortgage companies where the deceased hold accounts.  Report the death to the Social Security Office.  Contact Department of Motar Vehicles and cancel licenses.  Review credit report for the coming year.  

For more tips go to idthefcenter.org and type “deceased” in the search bos.

Outsmarting the squirrels…

Harry Weathersby Stamps excelled at … living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. … His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam’s on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees.

Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California started using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer’s black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee’s Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.”

“Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord’s Time. “

Jeopardy…

May Shorr, 85, of South Pasadena, FL passed away Jan 13 2013 after a long fight with various health problems, for which May is finally at peace.  May was tough, kind, talented, hard-working, and fiercely independent.  She loved music, the beach, doing crossword puzzles (in pen of course).  Oh, and she didn’t appreciate being interrupted during Jeopardy and wouldn’t hesitate to let you know it was on when you called.  But if you really needed to talk, that came first.  She put others’ needs before her own.

Sparkling beautiful blue eyes…

Ingrid Mozer (August 17, 2012).  Lovely, petite brunette with sparkling beautiful blue eyes has left this world to be in eternal peace with her husband.  Loving mother, adoring grandmother, and club champion golfer.  There will be a void at the bridge table amongst her friends and those beach walks at Pelican Bay will never be the same without her.  She has left behind the love and memories of many dear friends and family.  She will never be forgotten.

On a glorious summer day…

John William Suttinger, 84, died on a glorious summer day, June 12, 2012 at Glacier Hills after suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease. …  He was by both profession and nature a social worker — he never knew a person he didn’t want to know more about, and he loved to help everyone and anyone.

Thanks for Nothing, Mom…

Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son Paul Jr. and her daughter, Ruby.  … Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life.  I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.  Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years.  We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too.  But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother.  I hope that she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.  There will be no service, no prayers, and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart.  We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren can say their goodbyes.  So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE MOM.

Hail…

CHAPPUIS, ROBERT R. 1923-2012.  On Thursday night, June 14, World War II hero and Michigan football star Bob Chappuis passed away, with his wife Ann and his children by his side. Chappuis, the son of Sylvan and Mary Burchell Chappuis, was born in 1923 and raised in Toledo, Ohio. He graduated from Devilbiss High School, where he played football, basketball and baseball. His father told him he could attend any school he wanted — except Ohio State. In the fall of 1941, Chappuis enrolled at the University of Michigan, but he interrupted his college career when he enlisted in the Army, where he served as an aerial gunner and radio operator on a B-25. On his 21st mission over Northern Italy, his plane was shot down, but he and two crewmates survived by parachuting behind enemy lines. They were rescued by the Comucci family, who hid them for three months, until the town of Asola was liberated. The families remain friends to this day. After the war, Chappuis returned to the University of Michigan, where he starred on Fritz Crisler’s famed “Mad Magicians” 1947 national championship team. Although Chappuis played left halfback, he set passing records that stand to this day. He finished second for the Heisman Trophy, and was featured on the cover of Time magazine. After playing professional football for two seasons, Chappuis entered private business in Fort Wayne, Indiana. He retired as vice president of labor relations for Central Soya Corporation. In 1949, he married his college sweetheart, Ann. They were happily married for 63 years.  More than his many accomplishments, his family remembers him the way he wanted to be remembered: for his humility, his wit, warmth, generosity, and unfailing kindness. Michigan has lost a great man. The family has lost a wonderful husband, father and grandfather. Hail.

The Undeniable Matriarch…

Alice passed away on June 13, 2012… Alice, above all else, loved to take care of her loved ones. She was the undeniable matriarch and the cornerstone of her family. Her easy-going sense of humor and ability to laugh off life’s hardships made her a beacon to which all around her were drawn. She enjoyed going to the casino and had a real knack for winning. She had an insatiable sweet tooth and a love for anything lemon flavored. She enjoyed observing nature and could often be seen looking out her big bay windows at the birds or down by her pond feeding the fish, which acted more like her dogs as they would follow her along the shoreline. She took good care of her family, and they took good care of her. She was deeply loved and will be missed dearly.